Freshman are Clueless

Me: Entering the Freshman Decade of my Second Half

My hat’s off to those who enjoy teaching freshmen. Go for it, I’ll take the upperclassmen. Any seasoned high school teacher knows freshmen are a walking disaster the whole first quarter of the school year. They are individually and collectively utterly clueless. They don’t know where to go in the hallways, how to act, or how not to act. Freshmen usually foolishly overcompensate as they put on a front and attempt to show they know what they are doing and know what’s going on…when clearly they are, yes, clueless. Utterly clueless…yet we were all one. We’ve all been there: whether it be a high school freshman, college freshman, getting into a relationship freshman, freshman using the subway, freshman airplane passenger or freshman going to the gym. Freshman year at your new job. Freshman in the kitchen and freshman in the bedroom. Freshman year becoming a parent in any capacity: completely clueless…!!

But there is something magical about being a freshman. The pure bliss of not knowing! The excitement and anticipation of the unknown is a free high that gets you up in the morning. Those innocent and raw emotions are rarely matched anywhere else in life. Freshmen face a wall of a wide open space stacked with new experiences, new sights, new friends, possible new reputation, also “new me maybe?” The thought often resonates: “I’ve finally arrived.” Fear propels freshman forward. The kind of fear that motivates and gets you to where you need to go early. 

So…I’ve figured out that I am a freshman in the Second Half of my life. I estimate I’m in the freshman decade. It’s like going to a new school and not knowing exactly what to expect, but having watched others from afar. The only thing I understand is that my parents walked uphill both ways in the snow to get where they are, but we don’t have snow where I live, so my experience will be completely different! Anticipation of new experiences with old friends and forming new connections, all in the Second Half of my life…how exciting!  I’m a clueless bunny, bouncing toward an open meadow ready to frolic; but will most likely fumble over every bump and mud hole along the way. I’ll figure it out…how to make the most of my time, my energy (and where to get more of this), how to stretch my resources to do all the things I want to do - my dreams are big y’all. I find myself overcompensating, putting on a front, acting like an idiot, and faking like I know what I’m doing. But I’m going into this Second Half with my eyes wide shut. I’m going at it with a lot of passion and a little experience in my pack. (I wouldn’t call it wisdom just yet…I’m still a freshman).

My 47th birthday last fall brought on excitement and anticipation of what was to come in my Second Half. An innate awareness peered out and then started to shine and grow. The feeling was a sure knowledge that I am moving into a special time in my life. A time to explore a new me while applying the culmination of all I had become until this point. A time to mentor and be mentored. A time to give back and be selfish simultaneously. Since that September birthday, I have only been able to give into it, embrace that premonition, and look forward to the unknown opportunities and experiences ahead. Here’s to the Second Half and all it has in store.

💙Carami

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