3 Sisters: A Package Deal ~ Part 2
Although their sister is not physically with them now, Jenna and Kara have unmistakably felt Tracy in tangible ways unique to each of them.
Enjoying a lifetime of such a tight knit sister bond, Jenna and Kara lost part of themselves when they lost Tracy. This pair now faces the daily challenge of shifting into their Second Half without their sister. Although she’s not physically here with them, over the last year they have unmistakably felt her in ways unique to each of them, their family members, and friends. Within minutes after taking her last breath, Tracy began immediately communicating with her sister Jenna - right there in the hospital.
Jenna: And so when we walked in they told us she was gone. We thought we had more time with her. We thought, ‘Wait what, oh my gosh.’ And we started bawling. And then immediately I started hearing her in my head, immediately giving me so many instructions. “Jen,” just the way that she would always say. She would always call and say, “Jen,” or she'd FaceTime and be like, “Jen.”
Kara: Or she would text you. She would always call me Karkie and she would text “Karkie.”
Jenna: Just your name. Then you're like, “What? Wait, what?” It just gets your attention. And I just felt her, “Jen, I'm going to need you and Kara to take care of my kids and be their mom, and you're going to need to be there when my grandkids are born, and I need you to take care of mom and dad, and I need you to…” Just so many instructions. And I'm like, ‘Okay. Okay.’ That was right there in the hospital. I heard her talk. It was tangible. She was in my ear and in my head, just on and on and on. And then after it was all over, we were in the hallway and her daughter, Kara, came up to us and put her arms around Kara and I and said, “My two moms.” I feel this big responsibility to be available to Tracy’s kids, to my kids, to Kara and her kids.
Feeling Tracy in Our Own Personal Ways
Jenna: We're always together. We just all adore each other's kids. They’ve all felt like they have the benefit of having three moms. So it's been really painful for our kids too, for all of our kids to lose Tracy. They were so close to her. Oh, it's very painful. Us three sisters all provided different things for each other's kids.
Kara: Jenna has stepped in so much for things that Tracy had done for us. Because of Jenna’s connection with angels she has taught us so much since Tracy’s passing. It's making it so that we're all aware of Tracy still everyday. We all feel her in different ways. And Jenna's taught us to feel her in ways that are familiar to us personally.
We all notice her in pink sunsets, because pink is breast cancer. She was always getting something pink and we were all wearing pink bracelets the whole time she was fighting. There was a song written for Tracy before she passed away. The Friends wrote it and they sang it at her funeral. The song has her words that she taught all of us about strength and courage and trusting the Lord. I listen to that song often. There have been so many times where I listen to it, I just feel her and that is familiar to me.
Kara: And rain. Tracy always said the funniest things in the funniest way. We had Easter at her house during Covid and we were all laying on blankets in the backyard and it was a sunny day and all of a sudden it started raining. And she said, “Oh, I didn't know it would be this way.” Ha ha.
Jenna: And then that became a family saying.
Kara: So we say that about anything that's weird or unexpected. One morning, not long after she passed away, I went to leave for the gym and I walked out and it was sprinkling, and I immediately said, “Oh, I didn't know it would be this way,” and I was like, ‘Oh, hey Tra.’ And then it rained so much this year that there were so many opportunities where I thought, ‘Wow, she’s right here.’
Friends “Love Sat Across From Me”
Knowledge and Truths Unlocked
Jenna: Tracy knows us so well. She's able to communicate with all of us really, really well. I've had some knowledge and truths unlocked in my brain and heart about angels. I don't know if it would've been unlocked if it wasn't her tutoring me. She knows me and she knows how to tutor me. She always did. In fact, that's one of the things right after she died, I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, who's gonna be my big sister?’ There's so many days where I feel, ‘I just need Tracy.’ She had the perfect blend of listening but also getting after you, like, “Okay, that's enough. Get going, move forward.”
So we’ve learned a lot about angels since her passing. When people say, “Angels are off being busy.” I now say, “No, they're not. They're right here being busy.” I really strongly know and believe that angels are here with us, surrounding us, helping to communicate messages that we need throughout our day. Even as much as, “Don't start that. Start this.” Especially when you've asked Heavenly Father to guide your day. I really think it’s as specific as helping us if we're listening and aware.
Angels’ Errands
Jenna: I have a story to share that has really confirmed angels' errands for me: Soon after Tracy passed away, we found ourselves in Olive Garden, just us girls. Me, Kara, our Mom Jill, Tracy’s daughter Brynn, all of Kara’s daughters, some of my daughters. Tracy had only been gone for about three weeks and we were still trying to go and do things and support the kids and be together. We had been at a flag football game for Kara’s daughter, Kenzie. We didn't mind being places as long as we were together. We cried everywhere we went, but we were together.
While the waitress was helping us, my mom was as cute as she could be, how she always is, said to the waitress, “Well, aren't you cute? You're the cutest waitress. What's your name? You are just the best and cutest waitress. Is your mom so proud of you? Does she come and watch you be a waitress?” And the girl replied, “Actually, my mom passed away a year ago.” Then she got teary eyed and we were like, “Oh my goodness, so sorry.” And then my mom asked, “How old were you when your mom passed away?” The girl said, “27.”
Mom pointed down at Brynn and said, “See that girl down there. Her mom just passed away three weeks ago and she's 27. And it was my daughter.” Teary eyed, the waitress said, “I'm so sorry. Why are you guys here? I didn’t leave my house for months.” And we said “It's easier for us to be together than isolated.” She left, she didn’t come back for a while. She came back a little bit later and she said, “I'm so sorry.” And we all said, “We are so sorry.”
And then she moved down to Brynn. It was so sweet. She said, “I'm so sorry about your mom. Dessert's on me.” And then Brynn stood up and they hugged. Two strangers. Immediately my mind quickened with new information. I asked, “What is your mom's name?” She answered, “Denise.” I said, “Tracy and Denise are here and just created that moment for our benefit so that we would know that we are not forgotten and that God's aware of us.” And that's when I knew, I thought, ‘Okay, THIS is how it works.’ They are communicating with each other like we are communicating. So when we meet a stranger and we have an immediate connection I 100% know that our angels are communicating. I know this is how it works. So I've been teaching the family and telling them, I know that's how it works. There's so many references to angels in the scriptures. They aren’t way up there singing and playing trumpets. That's not what this is. Angels are surrounding us and they are communicating with each other and with us on our behalf, on God's behalf.
We Matter
Jenna: You know from the scriptures, ‘mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort and bear each other's burdens.’ You don't know how to do that until you've been through something and someone does that with you, and then you pass that on. During our loss of Tracy all of these people came and brought us food and brought us Stanleys because they knew we were going to cry a lot and we were going to need to hydrate. People made us blankets and brought us Kleenex and brought us these beautiful hankies for the funeral and all these little things.
My youngest and Kara’s oldest, one of their friends, Ryder, got in a motorcycle accident and died. He was 19 and it happened about three months after Tracy passed. They were devastated and were looking for answers. The girls wanted to give their friends answers, especially for their friend Grace who was dating Ryder and she was beyond sad. My youngest insisted that we go to Target and get hankies and socks and Stanley's and all this stuff, and take it over to Grace. She also encouraged me to tell her my experience with angels.
The next day my daughter, Tyler, and I were driving and she asked, “Mom, do you think Tracy has seen Ryder?” I thought about it for a minute and I said, “Yeah, probably, probably.” Exactly at that moment she looked down at her phone and I saw something off the side of the road. I could not believe it. I flipped the car around and on Orange Tree Street where Tracy lived in her first house. There it was, a truck parked with the business logo: Tracy Ryder. We could not believe it. We had never seen that truck before and that was how to spell both of their names. I was just getting ready to give her a huge explanation about angels, but with the wisdom of youth she said, “Well, I guess now we know that they’ve seen each other.” I said, “Do you want to know why?” Tyler responded, “Because he mattered to us and we mattered to her.”
Jenna: I think that our family from the other side is trying to send us messages. And once you’ve activated your reticular activating system in your brain you can recognize the messages. They're all around and our family is seeing them more. They've always been there, but now we're looking for them. I can't believe how many people since Tracy has passed have shared with us so many things that their hearts and minds are opening to. It feels important and it feels big.
I've had some knowledge and truths unlocked in my brain and heart about angels. I don't know if it would've been unlocked if it wasn't her tutoring me. She knows me and she knows how to tutor me.
Jenna’s Second Half
Kara: Jenna was always working on a lot of things.
Jenna: Oh, I feel like I'm working on everything and nothing right now. I cut hair for 17 years. It was really hard on my body and towards the end it was really hard. I have all these ideas of little businesses that I wanna do, but I've really struggled with this Second Half of life. For instance, I want to work and contribute, but I kind of don't. And then I feel like I have a lot of good ideas and no momentum. And then a lot of grief. Like ebbs and flows.
We talk all the time that just when we feel like, okay, we're okay in life, we're doing okay. It's like so much grief...so for me the Second Half is really painful right now.
I want to be available for my kids but I also feel like I've always had a title and that's what's defined me. I've always been a mom or I've had a job. Or I've taught seminary or I used to choreograph for the show choirs when my kids were in school. And I don't really have any titles right now.
It’s like the world is mine, but then I don't have anything forcing me to do anything. And so when this came up I thought, ‘Oh man, the Second Half should be really exciting.’ And it is, but it's also kind of painful for me right now.
Jenna: It's more about being still, and I'm a busy body. And so my Second Half is me learning how to be still and being okay with that and being fulfilled enough with just being still and being available. It's hard because I think I give myself value based on what I've accomplished. We all do.
Thankfully I have a husband who has zero expectations. If I say, “I didn't do anything today.” He responds, “Good.” I'm really working through it and trying to sort it out because I know it won't always be this way. All my kids live out of state, in Utah, and they're all sorting out their own lives, which makes me a little more available to everybody else here. So, I don't know what I'm doing right now with my Second Half…But I'm going to therapy and taking things slow and figuring life out!
Carami: That's perfect. And you don't need to know.
Jenna: And so the Second Half of my life is me figuring out how to share what I learned and what I know. I have these passions inside. I'm going back and forth on whether it is enough to be an influence in my circles that I'm directly involved with. Or do I write a book? Do I start a YouTube channel?
Carami: You’ll be directed. God will tell you.
Jenna: God will tell me.
Jenna and Kara’s Adieu
🔹The world needs to realize that those in their Second Half are…still capable and valuable.
🔹I like to tell everyone in their first half too…
✨Jenna: slow down.
✨Kara: I was going to say settle down.
✨Jenna: simplify right?
🔹Hands down in my Second Half…
✨Jenna: Kara I'd love to know what you're going to do. Maybe I'll copy.
✨Kara: Oh, I don’t know because I'm still far from my Second Half.
✨Jenna: continue to learn and grow and figure out life. Become. Learn. Reinvent.
A huge heartfelt thank you to Jenna and Kara for opening up and sharing their story. They were a fun pair to interview!!! And we appreciate all you readers for joining us today. We hope our story helps at least one person on their way to healing. Please know that you are loved by your Second Half community.
💙Carami, Jenna, Kara and Tracy in spirit
In case you missed it. 3 Sisters: A Package Deal ~ Part 1 is also published in Second Half Chronicles on Substack. You will read about Tracy battling cancer with her family by her side and Kara shares how she feels about her Second Half (but not there yet)!
Connect ~ Instagram: @_jennarhoads ᐧ @kara_brinkerhoff
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Friends “Love Sat Across From Me” 2022 ᐧ Music by Astrid Meek ᐧ Lyrics by Jackie Hunsaker ᐧ Found on Apple Music and Spotify December 2023 ᐧ friendsmusicforever@gmail.com
Loved this! Helps us all to know whatever we are faces we can do what's ahead on our journey.