3 Sisters: A Package Deal ~ Part 1
Charging through their first half with unyielding compassion and boldness, these three sisters have left a wake of love ~ in abundance ~ as they approach their Second Half together, forever.
This powerhouse trio of sisters Tracy Bowden, Jenna Rhoads, and Kara Brinkerhoff have lived their first half with such gusto, passion and surety, that it’s difficult for those around them not to take notice. Charging through their first half with unyielding compassion and boldness, they’ve left a wake of love in abundance as they approach their Second Half. Although Tracy was taken from this life unexpectedly, she still plays a significant part in Jenna and Kara’s budding Second Half. Jenna relates, “You can’t tell our story without telling Tracy’s story. You just can’t. She is all around us.”
A Package Deal
As these three beautiful girls grew into adulthood and started their own families, they naturally gravitated toward living near each other and raising their kids together. Jenna relates that as newlyweds, her sister Kara and her husband Kelly moved across town to “do their own thing” but Tracy and Jenna coaxed them back…
Jenna: So the dynamic of our family has been really interesting because Tracy and Scott (our brother) and I are all three years apart, and then Kara is seven years younger than me. So it kind of makes it this really interesting dynamic because Tracy and I have this whole lifetime together, like high school and young moms and that sort of thing. Kara was everybody's baby, everybody's superstar. Tracy and I would drag our little kids around to all of Kara’s games in high school and stuff like that. Our kids all wanted to be just like her. And so we were always her cheerleaders. But it didn't take long as soon as she was married and started to have kids that we just all transitioned into this: the three of us.
I think our husbands caught on early that we were a package deal and that we weren’t going anywhere. It was just always the three of us. Even when Kara got married, her husband wanted to move her across town to establish their own thing and he immediately realized it the day they got back from their honeymoon, when she started crying.
Kara: He said, “what's wrong?” I cried, “I miss my family.” And he said, “Okay, let's call your mom.” So we called Jill and she said, “Well, okay.” And then we drove clear across town and then it was fine. But that was for a year. We lived in an apartment across town for a year. And it was close, but yet so far. I was boohooing around until we moved back over. Ha Ha
Jenna: The thing is, we've always been friends and also just a support to each other. And it's funny ‘cause sometimes, I don't know if you and Kelly ever talk about this, but me and Daryl talk about what would it have been like had we not all raised our kids in the same neighborhood? We would all be different people. Our kids would be different people, but the pros way outweigh the cons, you know?
And all of our kids have these really solid personalities. I think it's because they know they're a part of a strong community base or a family base. The cousins all did a lot of stuff together. Like this group played soccer together and this group played flag football and this group was in choir but at the same time they each have their own little personalities within those niches. For us, it always just felt like a lot of gratitude. We always want to do everything together. There is a little bit of pressure to go, if the whole family's going, I have to go, but at the same time, we want to go.
Kara: We're always the last people to leave somewhere. We can't quit talking as a family, we just want to be together.
Jenna: Yeah, like if we're at someone's wedding reception, we're there just visiting with each other even though we just saw each other yesterday. And Daryl talks about moving to Utah all the time, which I want to be near my kids, but me and Kara are always like, uh no.
Kara: Yeah and now since Tracy passed away, we're really, really attached.
We Can't Tell Our Story Without Telling Tracy’s
Jenna: You can't tell our story without telling Tracy's story. You just can't. You really can't.
When Tracy got diagnosed with breast cancer it opened up a can of worms for our family. After she was diagnosed we all did the genetic testing to find out who had the BRCA2 gene, which means there's a mutated gene. If you have BRCA2, it puts you at a super high risk for breast cancer, ovarian cancer, uterine cancer. Genetic testing is generally newly accessible to just the regular person. Celebrities and prominent people were doing it years ago. Tracy had really good insurance with a plan that covered genetic testing for anyone that fell under her umbrella of breast cancer. So we met with this geneticist and she had our family tree drawn out. It was just so crazy.
You know how you've gone to the gynecologist and they ask, ‘So tell me, is there any cancer on your mom's side of your family?’ And they usually focus on your mom's side, right? And then when you say, ‘Well, my dad's aunt died of breast, ovarian, and uterine cancer.’ And they say, ‘Oh on your dad's side? Okay.’ And they just kind of write it down. And then you say, ‘My dad's sister had breast cancer.’ and ‘Well, okay.’ But then they really wanna know about your mom's side, right? Because it's female cancer, so it seems like it comes from your mom's side.
So what we found out was that BRCA2 came from our dad's side. And it doesn't skip generations if your parent has it. You have a 50/50 chance of having it. So it's kind of like when you're getting your genes, you get your eye color from either your mom or your dad. And your body takes that gene from one or the other of them. And your hair color, you get it from your mom or your dad, whether it's recessive or whatever.
So BRCA is the same way. Everyone has a BRCA1 gene and a BRCA2 gene and you either get your BRCA1 gene from your mom or your dad and you get BRCA2 from your mom or your dad. So Tracy got it from my dad and my dad's BRCA2 gene is broken.
So then all of us got tested. I have the gene. Kara does not. Since Kara doesn't have it, her kids don't need to be tested. She can't pass on a broken gene. She doesn't even have it. She got my mom's BRCA gene. I got my dad's and Tracy got my dad's.
Carami: That is fascinating.
Jenna: Really fascinating. And when we laid it all out, we were like, whoa. So we know we got it from my dad's mom because my dad's aunt had BRCA. She died of breast, ovarian, and uterine cancer.
Long story short, our grandma who did have the BRCA2 gene lived until she was 94. So it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll get cancer, but what we know about cancer now: your lifestyle, the food you eat, everything can contribute to whether or not those cancer cells get generated.
I was advised by all these doctors and geneticists to have prophylactic surgeries, so preventative surgery. I was advised to have a hysterectomy first. Because you're at risk for ovarian and uterine cancer, and there's no screening for those, like a mammogram. There's no early detection. When you are diagnosed with ovarian cancer, you're usually already in stage four. They call it the silent killer. So they recommend that if you're done having your kids and you have the BRCA2 gene, you need to have a full hysterectomy.
Carami: Did you do that?
Jenna: Yes. I'm talking, ovaries, everything.
Carami: When did you do that?
Jenna: Right alongside Tracy in ‘21. I had a hysterectomy and then in November of 2021 I was seeing a breast specialist and they recommended a double mastectomy too. The BRCA2 gene made me a really high risk for breast cancer. So I had a double mastectomy and Tracy and I were doing our surgeries right alongside each other. This was interesting for me because I felt like I needed to just quietly go about my business and support her. We had each other to support each other through that. But I thought, “I'm fine. I just need to get going.” And do you know, and thankfully I recovered really quickly.
And then I had two reconstructions. So I had four surgeries in one year. And it just took me out. It was so hard. I was recovering and bouncing back when Tracy's cancer came back in February of 2022. We found out it was in her brain. I had been cutting hair for 17 years and I knew, I told Daryl, “I need to quit work for several reasons.” Number one, you just belong to everyone else when you do hair. It's your schedule and everyone needs a piece of you all the time. And then the other thing was my body just wasn't recovering. I was getting a lot of migraines and a lot of shoulder pain, which I'd never had.
Daryl said, “Honey, you can do whatever. Of course if you want to, quit.” I just also wanted to be available for Tracy for whatever she needed. Because as soon as she got cancer, we were all trying to do what we could. So every time she had a chemo treatment, we would jump in her big 15 passenger van and anybody that was available would all drive her to chemo and make it fun on the way there and laugh and cry and just do whatever.
Every time she had a chemo treatment, we would jump in her big 15 passenger van and anybody that was available would all drive her to chemo and make it fun on the way there and laugh and cry.
But Tracy didn't quit work because she needed to work. She's always loved to work and so it was kind of weird, I had to sort of keep it on the down low in a sense. I've just recently realized that I didn't really say I quit work because Tracy was dying. I didn't say that. I said I just wanted to be more available for my kids. All my kids had moved to Utah, but I wanted to be available to help my mom if she needed to help Tracy and whatever. That was in March of 2022. In November of 2022, Tracy passed away. Thankfully we got to spend time together and I was available to help when I could.
November 26, 2022
Jenna: Tracy was so strong and headstrong. Her youngest son was on a mission for the church in Colombia and she was able to FaceTime him three times a week because she had cancer, which was awesome. Every time she would FaceTime him, she would perk up and he would ask, “Are you in the hospital?” She would answer, “Yeah. But I'm fine.”
The Monday of the week that she passed her three adult kids had to step in and say, alright, someone needs to call Drew in Colombia and tell him the truth. Tell him he needs to get home. They put Jake in charge of it because Jake just gets real and he called and said, “You need to get home. Mom’s not doing well.”
That week she was at Thanksgiving in so much pain, but no one knew because she wouldn’t let on. Thanksgiving night she went home and could not breathe because at this time the cancer had gotten into her lungs and she'd been on oxygen for a while. Tracy called Kelly (Kara’s husband who is a firefighter) terrified because she couldn't get her breath. She was always terrified that she was going to suffocate. That was one of the main things that she was terrified of. Kelly went to the fire station and got her some bigger oxygen tanks. She made it through that night and went to the hospital the next morning.
Her youngest son, Drew, was on his way home from Colombia but it was hard to get him home because it was Thanksgiving week. The church office was not open the full week and it was difficult for the church to navigate the flight and travel plans. So Saturday morning was the plan.
As she was in the hospital we were all in the waiting room, her older three children and their spouses and all of us adults. We were laughing and talking and visiting. Hoping she would get some relief from her pain. They were able to drain three liters of fluid off her lungs and we all thought that was good. It provided some relief at first, but was also extremely painful as her collapsed lung expanded when the fluid around it was extracted.
At that point I think we all thought, ‘Tomorrow, Drew's coming! Oh, good, we're getting towards the end, but we'll have her for maybe a week. Yeah, we'll get her on hospice. Maybe we'll have her for a month. Drew will get to have some time, maybe even a day. Right?’ That next morning, he was coming in at about 8:00 a.m. The plan was our mom, Jill, was going to sit with her at the hospital and we were all going to get Drew and we were going to rush to the hospital from the airport. The nurse said to my mom, "Does she have a husband? He needs to come here and be with her.”
Tracy’s daughter Kara called me and said, “I need you to help wrangle everybody at the airport. We do not have time for hugs and all the pictures and all the homecoming things. We need to get Drew and we need to go immediately to the hospital.” Meanwhile, he'd been coming from Columbia, so nobody was able to call him and get a hold of him. He had turned in his phone so he didn't know that she was in the hospital again, which in retrospect, it would've been a 14 hour flight, wondering and worrying about making it.
So here he comes off the flight and he looks around and says, "Where's my mom and dad?” Then the girls (his sisters) go over like little mothers and they say, “She's in the hospital.” You just see his face drop and they put their arms around him then Jake goes over and four of them stand there hugging. So we all rushed to the hospital and the kids couldn't get in. The nurse had gone to let them in but they were at a different entrance. The kids finally made it to her room and were devastated that she had already passed a few minutes before their arrival.
(silent pause)
You know, looking back on it, Tracy always said, “You guys, I do not want to end up a weird cancer lady. I don’t want to be super skinny and sick while everyone stands around watching me slip away.” We also heard something really neat… perhaps when someone dies, they have the privilege of using their agency one last time by choosing the way they leave this life. Maybe that's why a lot of people die when the family steps out of the room. It's like they're using their agency. They might decide, ‘I don't want everybody to see me take my last breath.’ Tracy’s husband Steve and my mom were there with her when she took her last breath. After she passed, we were all there at the hospital and squished 30 of us into her room to say our last goodbyes and have a family prayer. Kara and my mom and I got to stay with her body until they came to take her away.
Tracy’s greatest joy was her family. She and Steve were high school sweethearts and had a beautiful love story. Her kids were her favorite people and she adored each one. She was so grateful to spend extra time with her youngest, Drew before his mission. Her 3 older children all got married within 18 months of each other and she loved each of the spouses they chose. Leaving them behind made her so sad but she finished her life with so much gratitude for the life they lived.
Kara’s Second Half
Still having three children at home with the youngest being ten years old, Kara doesn’t define herself as having started her Second Half yet. Jenna relates that Kara has always had the benefit of watching what Jenna and Tracy have done and sometimes screw things up, ha ha. So Kara ends up being very prepared for her next part. Kara has a good sense of calm and she’s excellent at observing and learning. She’s humble, teachable and a ‘freaking pro’ by the time she does the thing. Second Half probably will not hit Kara like a midlife crisis. She will be ready.
Carami: What are you currently focusing on? Career? Or personal?
Kara: Well, I have my second oldest going off to college. And now I'm not gonna have a driver for a, for a hot minute. I'm really sad about it. I have three kids still at home. A sophomore and a freshman, and then a fifth grader. And they just keep me busy all the time, running back and forth. I was just saying on the way here, I'm gonna have to really say no to things and figure out logistics. You split your time. You're like, I'm gonna watch the first half of this and the second half of that. And sometimes I ask Jenna if she can pick one of my kids up or drop one off because I’m across town picking up or dropping off another one of them.
Jenna: I want to. I want to help out.
Kara: But then also with teaching dance fitness. When Tracy passed away, I was like, “Okay, I need a break.”
We taught Zumba at our church for 10 years. A complimentary class each week. I loved it. People loved it. It was such a payoff to help women. I didn't even know this many women were home all day, but it gave them a break from their kids. And helped them feel better and talk to other women. It was a very social thing. So it wasn't just dance fitness or it wasn't just like, ‘we're working out right now.’ It was bigger than that. Women who just moved here who didn't know anyone. Someone would tell them, “Come to Zumba,” and then all of a sudden they had a little community. We would always start late because everyone was visiting, including us.
Jenna: Then we'd be like, oh, you better start.
Kara: And then I'd say, you guys, come on time. So we can start early. And then it was always the same thing and then we'd stick around for a good half an hour, sometimes longer to visit and stuff like that. Such a heartwarming thing. It was really good for so many years. Yeah. But then once Tracy passed away, I decided I needed a break. And so I quit teaching at the church and let some time pass. Then a few months ago I auditioned for Las Vegas Athletic Club to teach there.
So that's what I'm working on right now. I kind of deal with some anxiety and so I'm just a sub right now. And so that's bringing out my anxiety a little bit because I don't have a set class that I'm doing. I do several different classes and every time it's a new time and a new crowd. So I'm dealing with these nerves, I'm really trying to focus on challenging myself, and so it's helping me to grow.*Since this interview Kara has started her own new class at Las Vegas Athletic Club and she is killing it of course!!!
More to Come
We hope our story helps at least one person on their way to healing as we are all in this life together. 3 Sisters: A Package Deal ~ Part Two will be published soon. You will learn how Tracy is still with her family daily and how Jenna defines her Second Half!
💙Carami, Jenna, Kara and Tracy in spirit
Connect ~ Instagram: @_jennarhoads ᐧ @kara_brinkerhoff
Please leave a comment! Jenna and Kara would love to hear from you!
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*This story is related from personal experiences of these individuals and not intended as a medical journal publication. If you have health concerns relating to this situation, please consult with your medical professional.
This is amazing!